Thursday, November 20, 2008

Out of the Mouths of.....

Questions/ things people asked/said to me right after my husband died
"Are you moving?" "Will you have to move in with your Dad?" (translation: Did he leave you anything?)
"Are the kids ok?" "What are you going to do?" "How are you going to raise J?"
"At least he died at home."
This is one of my favorites! "Did you love him?" This was from a woman I had never met at a 4th of July party in my new neighborhood. Granted she was drunk, but still.....
"Do you miss him?" She did stop herself, apologized, said it was a stupid question and then hugged me.

Now, I've been widowed almost two years (December 16th), people ask/say things like:
"Why aren't you dating yet?" "Why don't you get married again?"
"You're doing well for yourself." This one always seem accusatory. I always feel like I'm a disappointing widow because I get out of bed everyday and I don't weep in public. Anymore.
"I wouldn't have known. You're so young."


Lisa said...

I am always amazed at the things people will say to you in the face of tragedy. My husband had only been gone about a week when someone came up to me and said that I should find comfort in the fact that he didn't leave me by choice, she apparantly still isn't over the fact that her husband left her 5+ years ago for another woman.

I am also extremely irritated by people telling me that because my husband and I were so much in love that it gives them hope that they will someday find their true love. Maybe I shouldn't be irritated that people find hope in my sadness but it really pisses me off.

One thing that I do know is that if someone close to me should lose a loved one I won't say anything... I will just be there even when they say that they are fine I will take the time to find out of they really mean it and I will not just show up with a meal and run but I will take off my coat, sit down and just be there. I won't say anything.. I will let them talk if they wish to talk and if not I will just be there so they don't have to feel so alone.